Minding Your (Lady) Business

Minding Your (Lady) Business


Springtime is just Summer’s Eve

When we think of Spring cleaning, we might get out the dust rags, broom and mop. We’re cleaning up from a lazy winter and preparing for an active summer, getting our homes and workspaces ready for clutter-free productivity.

What are we doing for our bodies? Some fresh fruit and vegetables are coming into season with the blooming flora, spawning renewed attention on nutrition. Gym memberships might still be on sale but is it time to think a little… deeper? Biceps aren’t the only muscles you can flex.

Buff your muff

Remember the last time you saw your lady parts? Grab a hand mirror and reintroduce yourself; there’s a hole new world down there. For a textbook picture to refresh your memory, peek here.

With all the focus on the parts of us that others see daily, we can sometimes neglect a more private but very important area. Sometimes it’s easy to shut a box and pack it away in storage when you should actually open it up and enjoy what’s inside.

A different kind of “snatched”

There’s a general term for the plastic surgery that happens downstairs: vaginal rejuvenation. A catch-all for all things coochie-related, vaginal rejuvenation can be broken down into more specific surgeries based on the part of your kitty you want to make pretty.

A vaginoplasty tightens up your vagina. Women might consider having a vaginoplasty if they’ve lost their natural vaginal elasticity from childbirth. Natural childbirth can reduce your vaginal muscle laxity to the point of sexual dysfunction, leading to what could be considered the saddest life ever. During a vaginoplasty, the surgeon may cut away saggy skin and use stitches to secure and tighten tissue. Other techniques use ultraviolet (UV) light or radio frequencies to stimulate the tissue and promote collagen production.

If you’ve blessed others with the gift of life but being a saint cost you your taint, you can have a perineoplasty. Childbirth and other trauma or weight loss might have left you with a loose or damaged perineum. Eventually you may suffer from incontinence or other ailments, according to the Cleveland Clinic. During a perineoplasty, the surgeon makes an incision near the vaginal opening to remove excess skin or scar tissue. Your surgeon may need to repair the muscles around your vagina also and then close the incisions with sutures.

You may also want to minimize your mons pubis (aka mons or pubic mound,) if it’s too puffy. You could schedule a monsplasty, where your fupa evolves to supa via liposuction or the removal of excess skin and tissue. The surgeon makes a few tiny incisions for the liposuction cannula to slip in and work its magic. Skin removal involves one horizontal incision from one side of your mons to the other, possibly a small vertical incision and then sutures to close.

While we’re discussing reduction, some patients may uncomfortably bite their lips just thinking about their XLL (extra large labia.) The bigger lips on the outside, the labia majora, can be reduced through labia majoraplasty. To focus just on the inner lips, open yourself up to a labiaplasty. For either procedure, your surgeon can remove excess tissue with a scalpel or laser, then finish with dissolvable stitches.

Conversely, just as breasts can be reduced or enhanced, your labia can also be taken in either direction. Fat from one part of your body can be injected into your labia to achieve symmetry or fullness. After the fat is liposuctioned from your donor parts, it is processed and filtered, then injected into your labia through a syringe or small cannula.

If you’re having either of the labiaplasties, your clitoral hood - the skin that surrounds your clitoris (like a female foreskin) - may appear more pronounced. You can make that smaller too, with clitoral hood reduction surgery. This procedure can make you feel good in terms of self-confidence and physical sensation. To reduce the hood, your surgeon will cut away unwanted skin and close incisions with sutures.

Fanny-tastic results

You wouldn’t trust your coin purse to just anyone, right? She’s a special part of you that should only be put in the most qualified pair of hands. First you need to find the right doctor to refine your fine China. Then you can start to prepare yourself for your plastic surgery for optimal results and better healing.

During your recovery, follow your doctor’s advice and do not hesitate to ask questions when you have them. If you’re lucky enough to have someone taking care of you, let them read this. And say “thank you.” A lot. If you’re flying solo on this adventure, you can read some of our tips and tricks to make the most of your recovery period. And tell yourself “I’m amazing. I can do this!” A lot.

The last stitch

Consider plastic surgery that can make you feel beautiful from the inside out. Understand that your bits will need time to recuperate before you try them out. You most likely will not be feeling frisky immediately after surgery, but remember when you get that feeling, you are committed to non-sexual healing. Marvin Gaye would understand.


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